I know, I haven't posted in like a million years, but I am going to try and be more active on here again. So, topic for the day- my needing a serious diet! All summer long my youngest sister was diet crazy and it paid off for her, she looks amazing. Me, on the other hand, enjoyed fast food, a new deep fryer, and a sedentary lifestyle. Needless to say, my body reflect that and the stress I was under. Shan tried to get me on board with her, but I hate diets and I was way too lazy about going to the gym.
Last Wednesday, I had an audition to get a cocktailing job. For the audition all the girls had to walk around in a bikini and heels and dance and show our personalities. Kay, my best friend and roommate, lent me her super shiny pink bikini to make sure I stood out. When I put it on, what really stood out to me was how bad my body looks. My hips and thighs are just so huge and my stomach is nowhere near flat. It makes sense since I am in the 140s now. Not that that is a bad weight for my height, but it's not a weight I am happy with. I am happiest when I am like 120 so I have freaking 20lbs to lose, or 20lbs of fat to convert into muscle so that I can enjoy looking at my naked body again.
My plan is this. For at least three days I am going to be doing a "detox" by juicing. Technically I don't have a juicer so I'm doing the next best thing and bought a bunch of the Naked juice blends and am going to only drink those. Hopefully this will help to clean out my body and kick start the process of getting back a sexy figure. I am also going to start running and working out with Kay.
I'm most worried about my will power. I HATE dieting and I'm so picky that I don't know that I will like the juices and will give up. I'm worried that I will find a million excuses to not work out. I'm worried that I will actually get fatter.
So, here I go. Once I post this I am walking into my kitchen and picking out one of the six juices (that cost me freaking $21!) and making a meal of it. Tonight, I'll pick out another. Kay promised to yell at me if she saw me trying to cheat. Hopefully, in three days I will be posting on here how it is all going.
XOXO,
KABO
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Goodbye NYC?
I make choices and usually stick with them. I made a choice one day to move to NYC and I stuck with it for months and eventually after graduation I came here. I was overwhelmed at first. I've been here since June and I still haven't seen most of the city. I love being here, I love the mixture of people, I love the dogs walking everywhere, I love the pizza, I love the shoes!
There are so many things though that I realized I do not love. These things probably stem from me growing up on the West Coast and going to school in the South. I miss having a mall to shop at. With the crazy amounts of stores here it is incredible how I can never find what I need. It took ages to find a dress for a wedding when I needed one, the selection of dresses for the military ball was awful, buying black jeans for a trial bartending shift was almost impossible, and the "perfect beanie" that Xav was looking for did not exist. I hate grocery shopping here. The stores are so small that to get everything I want I have to go to multiple stores or just do without. I also have to carry all my groceries for blocks which really isn't fun. Not only can I not find everything and then have to trudge back to my apartment with heavy bags, but it all costs so much money! Like absurdly expensive. I hate how dirty the subways are and how difficult it is to get to the West Side from the East Side. I hate how taking the subways somewhere that is only five miles away can take an hour. I hate how all taxi rides make me nauseous. I hate how people out here are all about hooking up rather than settling down. The strive for a career keeps men from wanting anything real until basically their 40's (straight or gay!). I hate how buses drive, I don't know how they don't kill more people.
The worst thing about all these little things I hate, is that when I am frustrated and just want to go home and relax I don't feel comfortable. Our apartment is so fucking small. I hate how we don't have a dishwasher, I hate how we don't have a real kitchen, I hate how we don't have a living-room to hang out in. I hate that I got rid of so many things to move out here and I still can't move around in my room because there isn't enough space for all my stuff. I hate that my bed frame is being ruined because I'm using it as a second closet because mine is so small almost nothing fits in it. I hate our bathroom. I hate that there is about two feet of floor space and the only outlet is on the light fixture. I hate that the shower refuses to stay one temperature so I'm always being frozen or scalded at random. I hate not having a dishwasher or counter space in the "kitchen." I hate not having laundry in the apartment or even in the building so I have to walk blocks with my dirty laundry and then pay like five dollars a load! I hate that the toilet sometimes just decides not to work. I hate how the floors are not level so everything rolls like crazy here, including food falling off the stove when we try to cook. I hate how we have had both gas leaks and water leaks and our super is good-for-nothing so he hasn't repaired it at all. I hate our management company because they are assholes. I hate walking up four flights of stairs anytime I come back to the building. I hate that I pay an absurd amount of money for such a shithole.
I hate how NYC people think that they are above everybody else. I hate how they will basically talk down to me because they don't think I know what I am doing. I have a college degree from an amazing university, it's like, get a life people! I hate how people here make their drinks weird and then tell you that you don't know what you are doing. Excuse me, I was trained in Vegas, I know what I'm doing, go to hell! I hate how people who go to school here have the opportunity to intern at amazing places so their resumes are a million times better than mine. I hate that employers ignore me because I didn't have those opportunities. I hate that employers look down on me for not being from the city. I hate that companies out here will back a person who sexually harasses his employees and will turn a victim into the "bad guy." In general, I hate how people out here are snobs.
I will never regret my time in NYC, but the more I think upon it, the more I think this is not the place for me. I have grown as a person and feel more strongly than ever about my convictions to be a writer, but I do not see that future in the concrete jungle of NYC. I need trails to run outdoors and a car to rock out in and space to breath. I miss seeing nature around me, whether it be desert or mountains or woods or just a lot of grass. I'm not sure where home will be for me next. Talking to my parents I think that Colorado sounds like a good spot to go for a while to at least figure it out. I am almost positive right now that I am going to move out there once my lease is up. Live with them for a minute while I find a job and a place to live and a car. I'll take Rufus back and have a little home with my babies and be happy.
There are so many things though that I realized I do not love. These things probably stem from me growing up on the West Coast and going to school in the South. I miss having a mall to shop at. With the crazy amounts of stores here it is incredible how I can never find what I need. It took ages to find a dress for a wedding when I needed one, the selection of dresses for the military ball was awful, buying black jeans for a trial bartending shift was almost impossible, and the "perfect beanie" that Xav was looking for did not exist. I hate grocery shopping here. The stores are so small that to get everything I want I have to go to multiple stores or just do without. I also have to carry all my groceries for blocks which really isn't fun. Not only can I not find everything and then have to trudge back to my apartment with heavy bags, but it all costs so much money! Like absurdly expensive. I hate how dirty the subways are and how difficult it is to get to the West Side from the East Side. I hate how taking the subways somewhere that is only five miles away can take an hour. I hate how all taxi rides make me nauseous. I hate how people out here are all about hooking up rather than settling down. The strive for a career keeps men from wanting anything real until basically their 40's (straight or gay!). I hate how buses drive, I don't know how they don't kill more people.
The worst thing about all these little things I hate, is that when I am frustrated and just want to go home and relax I don't feel comfortable. Our apartment is so fucking small. I hate how we don't have a dishwasher, I hate how we don't have a real kitchen, I hate how we don't have a living-room to hang out in. I hate that I got rid of so many things to move out here and I still can't move around in my room because there isn't enough space for all my stuff. I hate that my bed frame is being ruined because I'm using it as a second closet because mine is so small almost nothing fits in it. I hate our bathroom. I hate that there is about two feet of floor space and the only outlet is on the light fixture. I hate that the shower refuses to stay one temperature so I'm always being frozen or scalded at random. I hate not having a dishwasher or counter space in the "kitchen." I hate not having laundry in the apartment or even in the building so I have to walk blocks with my dirty laundry and then pay like five dollars a load! I hate that the toilet sometimes just decides not to work. I hate how the floors are not level so everything rolls like crazy here, including food falling off the stove when we try to cook. I hate how we have had both gas leaks and water leaks and our super is good-for-nothing so he hasn't repaired it at all. I hate our management company because they are assholes. I hate walking up four flights of stairs anytime I come back to the building. I hate that I pay an absurd amount of money for such a shithole.
I hate how NYC people think that they are above everybody else. I hate how they will basically talk down to me because they don't think I know what I am doing. I have a college degree from an amazing university, it's like, get a life people! I hate how people here make their drinks weird and then tell you that you don't know what you are doing. Excuse me, I was trained in Vegas, I know what I'm doing, go to hell! I hate how people who go to school here have the opportunity to intern at amazing places so their resumes are a million times better than mine. I hate that employers ignore me because I didn't have those opportunities. I hate that employers look down on me for not being from the city. I hate that companies out here will back a person who sexually harasses his employees and will turn a victim into the "bad guy." In general, I hate how people out here are snobs.
I will never regret my time in NYC, but the more I think upon it, the more I think this is not the place for me. I have grown as a person and feel more strongly than ever about my convictions to be a writer, but I do not see that future in the concrete jungle of NYC. I need trails to run outdoors and a car to rock out in and space to breath. I miss seeing nature around me, whether it be desert or mountains or woods or just a lot of grass. I'm not sure where home will be for me next. Talking to my parents I think that Colorado sounds like a good spot to go for a while to at least figure it out. I am almost positive right now that I am going to move out there once my lease is up. Live with them for a minute while I find a job and a place to live and a car. I'll take Rufus back and have a little home with my babies and be happy.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
My ex job fcks me again!
So, just went to do my taxes and realized that for some reason, there were no taxes withheld for federal or state! I was all excited to do my taxes and get some money back because I am beyond broke, then it turns out that I OWE money! Fuck, I am screwed. Now I have to figure out how to pay back the almost 200 it says I owe. Yes, I should have paid attention to my pay stubs and realized that I wasn't having taxes withheld, but seriously, wtf, why would anyone not want taxes withheld????
Okay, well I guess I have to update this because Heather just went through and fixed a mistake and now I am getting 1000 back, but that still doesn't change the fact that my stupid old job didn't charge taxes for me. Had they I prob would have been getting more back now and I really need any money I can at the moment. Why do I need this money you ask? Oh, well that's because even though I put my two weeks notice in so that I had two weeks to find a new job, I was "let go" when my manager lied about me. Didn't matter that I had witnesses, they took his word. Honestly I feel that the situation was used to get rid of me for an entirely different reason that I don't think I should get into online, but let's just say that they knew him and I could not work together and I was more expendable as they had no way to replace him because they believed in being understaffed. Everyday I thank God that I am out of that TOXIC situation, but my wallet is not fairing so well without an income.
Why don't I have an income? Well, that's simple as well. With no time to look for a job while I still had one, I was thrown into a competitive job market without a safety net. The two weeks of working would have helped to pay my bills this month, now I am going directly into my savings to afford the astronomical cost of living in NYC. The other day I finally found a bartending position, but the anxiety I had on my trial shift night was so bad that I realized I couldn't work there. I blame this anxiety, which I have never had before, on what I went through at my last job. I lost sleep freaking out about taking the job and felt sick to my stomach for days. It's funny how a situation can follow you, it's even funnier how something you tried to say wasn't really happening can scar you. I don't know if I will be able to ever work in food and beverage again without feeling vulnerable and being scared about being harassed again. So, the only job I have been able to land I had to turn down for mental health reasons. Maybe it's time to find someone to talk to about what I went through at my last job.
I do see hope in my future though. I signed up for a temp agency and did my first job this weekend. It started on Thursday and went on until yesterday. It was just manual labor of setting up the Lazy Susan convention booth. While the work wasn't hard, I worked very hard and because of it I impressed the guy I was working for. He even asked for me to work with him for breakdown and on any other projects he needs temps for. It's amazing how in three days someone can see that I am a great employee and make me feel respected, when I had a job for almost six months and never felt that way (even when I was given employee of the month). While I was working for the temp job I had two other jobs I couldn't take because I was working, but to me that means they are trying to place me and I do have potential to make money with them. Best case scenario, they find me a permanent job in an office where I will be able to shine. Worst case, I just network a ton and build up skills by working multiple temp jobs.
Hopefully things turn around for me in 2012!
XOXO
KABO
Okay, well I guess I have to update this because Heather just went through and fixed a mistake and now I am getting 1000 back, but that still doesn't change the fact that my stupid old job didn't charge taxes for me. Had they I prob would have been getting more back now and I really need any money I can at the moment. Why do I need this money you ask? Oh, well that's because even though I put my two weeks notice in so that I had two weeks to find a new job, I was "let go" when my manager lied about me. Didn't matter that I had witnesses, they took his word. Honestly I feel that the situation was used to get rid of me for an entirely different reason that I don't think I should get into online, but let's just say that they knew him and I could not work together and I was more expendable as they had no way to replace him because they believed in being understaffed. Everyday I thank God that I am out of that TOXIC situation, but my wallet is not fairing so well without an income.
Why don't I have an income? Well, that's simple as well. With no time to look for a job while I still had one, I was thrown into a competitive job market without a safety net. The two weeks of working would have helped to pay my bills this month, now I am going directly into my savings to afford the astronomical cost of living in NYC. The other day I finally found a bartending position, but the anxiety I had on my trial shift night was so bad that I realized I couldn't work there. I blame this anxiety, which I have never had before, on what I went through at my last job. I lost sleep freaking out about taking the job and felt sick to my stomach for days. It's funny how a situation can follow you, it's even funnier how something you tried to say wasn't really happening can scar you. I don't know if I will be able to ever work in food and beverage again without feeling vulnerable and being scared about being harassed again. So, the only job I have been able to land I had to turn down for mental health reasons. Maybe it's time to find someone to talk to about what I went through at my last job.
I do see hope in my future though. I signed up for a temp agency and did my first job this weekend. It started on Thursday and went on until yesterday. It was just manual labor of setting up the Lazy Susan convention booth. While the work wasn't hard, I worked very hard and because of it I impressed the guy I was working for. He even asked for me to work with him for breakdown and on any other projects he needs temps for. It's amazing how in three days someone can see that I am a great employee and make me feel respected, when I had a job for almost six months and never felt that way (even when I was given employee of the month). While I was working for the temp job I had two other jobs I couldn't take because I was working, but to me that means they are trying to place me and I do have potential to make money with them. Best case scenario, they find me a permanent job in an office where I will be able to shine. Worst case, I just network a ton and build up skills by working multiple temp jobs.
Hopefully things turn around for me in 2012!
XOXO
KABO
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Welcome to 2012
NYC has been both amazing and cruel to me since I moved here in June. Though an entire year has not elapsed, a new year has begun, and therefore I think I need to say farewell to my NYC 2011. The memorable moments:
1)Mom living with us in our tiny ass apartment for a month. Four people and a dog in a space this tiny should be illegal.
2)Learning the truth about NYC apartments- the water temp doesn't stay the same, the floors are not even close to being level, management companies don't care if they have major gas leaks or other issues because tenants don't matter to them, supers suck ass
3)Dating Steve -aka- four months wasted dating a 37yr old math professor with commitment issues
4)Dating NYC men -aka- guys looking to get laid and pretending to be everything they are not (but I caught on to their tricks!)
5)Steve Madden Shoes- oh how I love all the pairs I have bought
6)Working at botique hotels only to learn that the smaller the hotel the less they care about their employees. How I miss the giant Las Vegas Casinos!
7)Sgt Pepper passing away. I freaking miss him so much.
8)Rescuing Burglar from the aspca. She is just perfect :)
9)Having my phone stolen and recovered at JFK
10)Going big and getting two large tattoos, both on the spur of the moment
That's so brief about my life, but I'm so happy to be done with 2011. I'm starting this new year unemployed, but looking for something fulfilling. I need to focus on my writing more (hence this blog entry) and actually start the long, arduous process of editing my novel and finishing it up. I need to actually go to the gym and get into shape. I mean, I'm happy with my body, I just want to be healthier and tone up.
I'm starting this year in NYC with a fresh outlook, a positive image of life, and I look forward to everything that will come my way in the future.
1)Mom living with us in our tiny ass apartment for a month. Four people and a dog in a space this tiny should be illegal.
2)Learning the truth about NYC apartments- the water temp doesn't stay the same, the floors are not even close to being level, management companies don't care if they have major gas leaks or other issues because tenants don't matter to them, supers suck ass
3)Dating Steve -aka- four months wasted dating a 37yr old math professor with commitment issues
4)Dating NYC men -aka- guys looking to get laid and pretending to be everything they are not (but I caught on to their tricks!)
5)Steve Madden Shoes- oh how I love all the pairs I have bought
6)Working at botique hotels only to learn that the smaller the hotel the less they care about their employees. How I miss the giant Las Vegas Casinos!
7)Sgt Pepper passing away. I freaking miss him so much.
8)Rescuing Burglar from the aspca. She is just perfect :)
9)Having my phone stolen and recovered at JFK
10)Going big and getting two large tattoos, both on the spur of the moment
That's so brief about my life, but I'm so happy to be done with 2011. I'm starting this new year unemployed, but looking for something fulfilling. I need to focus on my writing more (hence this blog entry) and actually start the long, arduous process of editing my novel and finishing it up. I need to actually go to the gym and get into shape. I mean, I'm happy with my body, I just want to be healthier and tone up.
I'm starting this year in NYC with a fresh outlook, a positive image of life, and I look forward to everything that will come my way in the future.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)