Well, that flew by. I was expecting something much harder (like a pop quiz), but things were pretty mellow this week.
The first day we went over syllabi and things to know. We did a brief intro to the nursing process, but nothing crazy. I expected to go home so overwhelmed, but I wasn't. I prepared 54 pages of notes, so I felt pretty darn prepared for everything we did cover from the readings.
The second day was the first day of DCP. DCP is directed clinical practice which is our on-campus simulation labs and off-campus actual clinical. There is a rule that we aren't allowed to speak about what happens in DCP. This makes sense for two reasons: 1)I have the first DCP out of four sections, if we spoke about what happened that would give the other sections unfair advantage about what to expect 2)getting used to keeping things secret is good practice to comply with HIPAA laws. So, while I'm sure there is going to be so much I would love to share, this is my heads up as to why I can't. Sorry all.
Today would normally be my long DCP day, but we don't have actual DCP for a few weeks, so instead today we learned about study skills and learning and personality profiles. Guess what I came out as? I came out as an over-achiever who expects everyone to be competent and who can be detached and kind of an asshole. Obviously, I wasn't surprised. While I already incorporate some of the study tips, others I will ignore and others I will try to utilize.
You would expect that starting school finally would be the best thing about my week, but by far it wasn't. Monday at 11:26PM Oklahoma time, my first little grand baby was born. Now, technically I'm not a grandma. Dave and I were never married so Cierra was never actually my step-daughter, and now that I'm not with Dave it makes things even less of mine to claim. I get this, but I spoke with Cierra and she knows that I love her and her brothers no matter my relationship with Dave and she welcomes another adult in Tripp's life who will love and care for him. I would never want to step on the toes of his actual grandmothers, which is why I am going to be his "Lolli" and not a traditional grandma name. I'm so blessed that Cierra is the person that she is. Most girls whose fathers started another family with a woman just a few years older would have been total bitches about it, but Cierra has always been so accepting. When I left Dave and took Kiera across the country, Cierra has still kept in touch with me. When she announced her pregnancy to her family, Kiera and I were included, we didn't find out through Facebook. Cierra texted me after every doctor's appointment, as soon as she was admitted to the hospital, and within an hour of Tripp being born. The best thing about my week was being a part of Cierra's special day. The best part of my week was Cierra showing me that I matter and am a part of her family. One of my biggest fears leaving Dave was losing the kids and it feels so great that I haven't.
Well, I have a ton of homework to get started on, so I will see ya next week.
XOXO,
KABO
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Nursing School is Just Around the Corner. . .
Nursing school starts on Monday. It's crazy to think that I'm finally here and I thought now would be a good time to share my journey. Looking back, it's quite the winding road.
One could say my path to nursing began when I was 16 and a junior at Centennial. I took Dr. Aten's Anatomy and Physiology class. Anyone who took his class knows the passion he had, and the ability to teach. A&P is a daunting class, but he made it enthralling. My senior year, I took his epidemiology class. Mind you, I only was in it for the first semester, second semester my immune system decided I should live epidemiology rather than study it. When I started college my original major was biology. I wanted to work for the CDC as an epidemiologist. Growing up I always enjoyed science, but it was learning under Dr. Aten and Mr. G that really made me want to follow those passions in my future. Being sick though, I ended up deciding to pursue my other love- literature. There ended my path in epidemiology or biology as a future.
Fast forward to after Kiera was born. Dave and I both worked graveyard and with no family (that would/could help) in Vegas, we were constantly struggling to get help watching her when we had to go to work. Most of the time our good friend Sky watched Kiera, once she was back working graveyard we had a young girl helping us out, and many times when something fell through we had other amazing friends who stepped in (like Jen & George, Hillary, Erin, or Charlie). There were times though when we had nobody. I had a 40/hr week job with benefits and decent stability, Dave worked 24 or so hours with no benefits and no security. Somehow, any time there was an issue with a sitter, it was I who had to call out, it was I who had to put my job on the line. There was no compromise on that, no care that my name and my work ethic was being tarnished. When I was offered a full-time job at the new casino in town I was about to be on my last and final due to absences. I took the job happily, knowing I would be on day shift and babysitter problems would be over. Two months after starting, Dave lost his job. I was making decent money, but it was a huge strain. A month later I was laid off. Our world came crashing down. We were both unemployed, I had not replenished my savings account after my maternity leave, and Dave didn't even have a bank account. What I had saved didn't last long. It took three months for us both to find jobs. Dave ended up at one of the shittiest bars in Las Vegas on graveyard, I ended up at a slightly less shitty one on day shift. It was there that I found my way onto the path of nursing.
It didn't take long for me to get to know my regulars and for them to get to know me. One day one of them asked me why I wasn't doing something more with my life (he didn't mean it in a mean way, I promise). He told me that his mother was a nurse and I reminded him of her and he could see me as a nurse. His comment got my gears rolling. My mom was a nurse and she had done so much for me when I had been sick. She had always know what was wrong with my sisters and I growing up, had always taken the best care of us. I was a mother now and started thinking of what being a nurse would mean to me as a mother, of how much more I could give Kiera. I reached out to my mom and she said it was a great idea. It made sense to me. I always loved science and had previously wanted to work in a related field. Dave and I were in financial ruin and nurses are in such high demand that it would be a secured future. I especially loved the idea of how flexible it was, there were so many different ways to be a nurse and career opportunities that I was sure I could find my place.
I started looking into colleges and asking people in Vegas what they knew about the programs in town. I did research and decided the school I liked best was Roseman. I was in contact with the advisor there and slowly started getting myself together to apply to the program. The first thing I did was take the TEAS V exam. I had not yet started my pre-reqs, but still scored in the 98% of the nation (a part of me would love to take it now and see if I could score near perfect). I did so well because I had Dave's support and for weeks I spent a few hours a day studying and taking practice exams. His help with Kiera led to my success. The advisors at Roseman were elated, they told me it was one of, if not the highest score they had ever seen.
The first two classes I signed up for were Anatomy and Physiology through the University of New England's distance education program. Most schools offer the classes as A&P I and II, but UNE does them as two separate classes. The counselor suggested that I only take one class at a time, but I figured that with Dave's help I could once again wow Roseman by finishing the classes fast and with a killer grade. This did not go as planned for two reasons. The first was I highly underestimated the depth my professors were going to go in the classes. The second is I highly overestimated the help that Dave was going to provide me. He essentially would not allow me time to study. He told me to study when Kiera fell asleep, around 1 am. In his mind, this was acceptable. I was to work, then take care of Kiera all day, then study only after he left for work and Kiera finally fell asleep. I couldn't get her on a normal schedule because he wanted to kiss her goodbye before he left for work at a quarter to midnight. I tried to study, but I was lucky if I even had time to watch the lecture videos. I somehow passed both classes, but with Cs and just barely. I was devastated and all Dave cared to do was berated me, to put down me trying to make a better life for Kiera and our family. I will never understand why he didn't throw all his support behind me. I was trying to get into a profession that is respected and pays well, he wanted me to stay working as a bartender or cocktail waitress. The service industry is one in which a woman has a time stamp, but Dave pretty much wanted me to stay in it indefinitely.
As my relationship with Dave continued to derail, my parents offered us an opportunity to move with them and get back on our feet. I wanted nothing more than to save my family and my parent's offer would have given us the chance to relieve stress and build our relationship again. Dave declined the offer immediately and didn't even tell me about it for days (my dad had spoken to him man to man). He refused to consider it, but I didn't. As the home situation got worse and worse, I finally decided enough was enough. I left in the middle of the night, was granted a restraining order, and filed for custody.
Fast forward a few months to my move to Maryland. When I got here my plan was to attend Salisbury University's advanced BSN program. Everyone I met told me that I should go to Chesapeake because it was so amazing. I poo-pooed them. My first semester at Chesapeake though, I realized what a gem the school was when my microbiology teacher was a MIT graduate. Second semester, my friend Rachel and I went to the tour of the HPAC building and holy moly is it impressive. In case you don't know, which I'm sure you don't, it includes a full-size ambulance and car (for the EMT students), a fully equipped surgery room (for the surgical tech students), an apartment (both EMT rescues and criminal studies students), state of the art radiology equipment (as in only five schools in the country have it and little ole Chesapeake college is one of them!), and for the nurses- a doctor's office and two simulation labs. I still applied for the program at Salisbury because it would be a year and a half for a bachelor's degree as opposed to two years for the associates. Unfortunately, the only pre-reqs I had completed by the time the application was due (they didn't have to be completed yet) were the two Cs in Anatomy and Physiology. Had the application been due two weeks later I would have had much better grades to show them, but it wasn't and I got waitlisted. I was sad, but really felt like maybe Chesapeake would be better for me.
In June I found out that I was accepted to the Chesapeake program and since then it has been a whirlwind of getting things together. I had to get three shots. I had a reaction to one and ended up on steroids for two weeks. Those lead to some really fun side effects, namely terrible insomnia and constant dizziness. One of the shots was for Varicella (chicken pox), what sucks is I have had chicken pox and the varicella vaccine before, which means that my not immune status on my titer report may indicate that I will never be immune to varicella. I guess only time will tell.
So, on Monday I start in my first nursing class. I'm not quite done with my homework yet (and by not done I mean I have 3 1/2 of the 12 chapters read... I better get on that). My friend and I worked our schedule out so that we have all our classes together. I'm not nervous, yet I am. I am nervous that I wont be good at the practical application of nursing. I'm nervous that I will be one of the students who is used to all As and struggles miserably in the program. Only time will tell what kind of nursing student I will be. Only time will tell what kind of nurse I will be. I'm excited to start the journey.
This semester will be a tough one. I have one last co-requisite course to complete (others, like microbiology and human growth and development I took this past year) along with my nursing classes. I'm also going to do another honors project this semester (already working on the topic with my prof) so that is going to tie up even more time (and I'll most likely be needing respondents to the survey part of it, so get ready to help me with that once I write it up). I quit my job in order to have time for everything, including quality time with Kiera. I even cut my hair off so that I wouldn't have to worry about spending a lot of time on it every morning. I'm also going to delete all my social apps off my phone. Lord knows I spend far too much time on Facebook (I know it's a running joke with some of my friends that I always like all their posts lol). I'll pop on from time to time, probably to just upload the link to my latest blog post. One of my goals for the semester is to post something once a week. So, please don't anyone think I am purposefully ignoring you or your birthdays or anything, I just need to be wiser about my time management. My love for you all wont go away, just my constant presence will while I'm in school.
Well, this post has ended up being far longer than I anticipated and is probably far too personal, but isn't that what blogs are for? For anyone who got to the end, thanks for sticking with me. Cross your fingers and wish me luck as this new chapter starts in my life.
XOXO,
KABO
One could say my path to nursing began when I was 16 and a junior at Centennial. I took Dr. Aten's Anatomy and Physiology class. Anyone who took his class knows the passion he had, and the ability to teach. A&P is a daunting class, but he made it enthralling. My senior year, I took his epidemiology class. Mind you, I only was in it for the first semester, second semester my immune system decided I should live epidemiology rather than study it. When I started college my original major was biology. I wanted to work for the CDC as an epidemiologist. Growing up I always enjoyed science, but it was learning under Dr. Aten and Mr. G that really made me want to follow those passions in my future. Being sick though, I ended up deciding to pursue my other love- literature. There ended my path in epidemiology or biology as a future.
Fast forward to after Kiera was born. Dave and I both worked graveyard and with no family (that would/could help) in Vegas, we were constantly struggling to get help watching her when we had to go to work. Most of the time our good friend Sky watched Kiera, once she was back working graveyard we had a young girl helping us out, and many times when something fell through we had other amazing friends who stepped in (like Jen & George, Hillary, Erin, or Charlie). There were times though when we had nobody. I had a 40/hr week job with benefits and decent stability, Dave worked 24 or so hours with no benefits and no security. Somehow, any time there was an issue with a sitter, it was I who had to call out, it was I who had to put my job on the line. There was no compromise on that, no care that my name and my work ethic was being tarnished. When I was offered a full-time job at the new casino in town I was about to be on my last and final due to absences. I took the job happily, knowing I would be on day shift and babysitter problems would be over. Two months after starting, Dave lost his job. I was making decent money, but it was a huge strain. A month later I was laid off. Our world came crashing down. We were both unemployed, I had not replenished my savings account after my maternity leave, and Dave didn't even have a bank account. What I had saved didn't last long. It took three months for us both to find jobs. Dave ended up at one of the shittiest bars in Las Vegas on graveyard, I ended up at a slightly less shitty one on day shift. It was there that I found my way onto the path of nursing.
It didn't take long for me to get to know my regulars and for them to get to know me. One day one of them asked me why I wasn't doing something more with my life (he didn't mean it in a mean way, I promise). He told me that his mother was a nurse and I reminded him of her and he could see me as a nurse. His comment got my gears rolling. My mom was a nurse and she had done so much for me when I had been sick. She had always know what was wrong with my sisters and I growing up, had always taken the best care of us. I was a mother now and started thinking of what being a nurse would mean to me as a mother, of how much more I could give Kiera. I reached out to my mom and she said it was a great idea. It made sense to me. I always loved science and had previously wanted to work in a related field. Dave and I were in financial ruin and nurses are in such high demand that it would be a secured future. I especially loved the idea of how flexible it was, there were so many different ways to be a nurse and career opportunities that I was sure I could find my place.
I started looking into colleges and asking people in Vegas what they knew about the programs in town. I did research and decided the school I liked best was Roseman. I was in contact with the advisor there and slowly started getting myself together to apply to the program. The first thing I did was take the TEAS V exam. I had not yet started my pre-reqs, but still scored in the 98% of the nation (a part of me would love to take it now and see if I could score near perfect). I did so well because I had Dave's support and for weeks I spent a few hours a day studying and taking practice exams. His help with Kiera led to my success. The advisors at Roseman were elated, they told me it was one of, if not the highest score they had ever seen.
The first two classes I signed up for were Anatomy and Physiology through the University of New England's distance education program. Most schools offer the classes as A&P I and II, but UNE does them as two separate classes. The counselor suggested that I only take one class at a time, but I figured that with Dave's help I could once again wow Roseman by finishing the classes fast and with a killer grade. This did not go as planned for two reasons. The first was I highly underestimated the depth my professors were going to go in the classes. The second is I highly overestimated the help that Dave was going to provide me. He essentially would not allow me time to study. He told me to study when Kiera fell asleep, around 1 am. In his mind, this was acceptable. I was to work, then take care of Kiera all day, then study only after he left for work and Kiera finally fell asleep. I couldn't get her on a normal schedule because he wanted to kiss her goodbye before he left for work at a quarter to midnight. I tried to study, but I was lucky if I even had time to watch the lecture videos. I somehow passed both classes, but with Cs and just barely. I was devastated and all Dave cared to do was berated me, to put down me trying to make a better life for Kiera and our family. I will never understand why he didn't throw all his support behind me. I was trying to get into a profession that is respected and pays well, he wanted me to stay working as a bartender or cocktail waitress. The service industry is one in which a woman has a time stamp, but Dave pretty much wanted me to stay in it indefinitely.
As my relationship with Dave continued to derail, my parents offered us an opportunity to move with them and get back on our feet. I wanted nothing more than to save my family and my parent's offer would have given us the chance to relieve stress and build our relationship again. Dave declined the offer immediately and didn't even tell me about it for days (my dad had spoken to him man to man). He refused to consider it, but I didn't. As the home situation got worse and worse, I finally decided enough was enough. I left in the middle of the night, was granted a restraining order, and filed for custody.
Fast forward a few months to my move to Maryland. When I got here my plan was to attend Salisbury University's advanced BSN program. Everyone I met told me that I should go to Chesapeake because it was so amazing. I poo-pooed them. My first semester at Chesapeake though, I realized what a gem the school was when my microbiology teacher was a MIT graduate. Second semester, my friend Rachel and I went to the tour of the HPAC building and holy moly is it impressive. In case you don't know, which I'm sure you don't, it includes a full-size ambulance and car (for the EMT students), a fully equipped surgery room (for the surgical tech students), an apartment (both EMT rescues and criminal studies students), state of the art radiology equipment (as in only five schools in the country have it and little ole Chesapeake college is one of them!), and for the nurses- a doctor's office and two simulation labs. I still applied for the program at Salisbury because it would be a year and a half for a bachelor's degree as opposed to two years for the associates. Unfortunately, the only pre-reqs I had completed by the time the application was due (they didn't have to be completed yet) were the two Cs in Anatomy and Physiology. Had the application been due two weeks later I would have had much better grades to show them, but it wasn't and I got waitlisted. I was sad, but really felt like maybe Chesapeake would be better for me.
In June I found out that I was accepted to the Chesapeake program and since then it has been a whirlwind of getting things together. I had to get three shots. I had a reaction to one and ended up on steroids for two weeks. Those lead to some really fun side effects, namely terrible insomnia and constant dizziness. One of the shots was for Varicella (chicken pox), what sucks is I have had chicken pox and the varicella vaccine before, which means that my not immune status on my titer report may indicate that I will never be immune to varicella. I guess only time will tell.
So, on Monday I start in my first nursing class. I'm not quite done with my homework yet (and by not done I mean I have 3 1/2 of the 12 chapters read... I better get on that). My friend and I worked our schedule out so that we have all our classes together. I'm not nervous, yet I am. I am nervous that I wont be good at the practical application of nursing. I'm nervous that I will be one of the students who is used to all As and struggles miserably in the program. Only time will tell what kind of nursing student I will be. Only time will tell what kind of nurse I will be. I'm excited to start the journey.
This semester will be a tough one. I have one last co-requisite course to complete (others, like microbiology and human growth and development I took this past year) along with my nursing classes. I'm also going to do another honors project this semester (already working on the topic with my prof) so that is going to tie up even more time (and I'll most likely be needing respondents to the survey part of it, so get ready to help me with that once I write it up). I quit my job in order to have time for everything, including quality time with Kiera. I even cut my hair off so that I wouldn't have to worry about spending a lot of time on it every morning. I'm also going to delete all my social apps off my phone. Lord knows I spend far too much time on Facebook (I know it's a running joke with some of my friends that I always like all their posts lol). I'll pop on from time to time, probably to just upload the link to my latest blog post. One of my goals for the semester is to post something once a week. So, please don't anyone think I am purposefully ignoring you or your birthdays or anything, I just need to be wiser about my time management. My love for you all wont go away, just my constant presence will while I'm in school.
Well, this post has ended up being far longer than I anticipated and is probably far too personal, but isn't that what blogs are for? For anyone who got to the end, thanks for sticking with me. Cross your fingers and wish me luck as this new chapter starts in my life.
XOXO,
KABO
Saturday, August 12, 2017
A Year and a Half as a Single Mom
Becoming a mother truly changes a woman. Some of the changes are immidiate, some are gradual.
When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was so unprepared for what was coming. I entered motherhood dramatically, as seems to be my style in life. I was unwed, unsure of the paternity, and ignorant to the changes that would be occurring.
Kiera has made me a better woman, or maybe it is that she has changed me into a woman. Before I had her, my concerns were so innocent. As a mother, I stress over every move I make, wondering if I will be doing what is best for her.
Leaving Dave will always be the best decision of my life. Being with Dave will always be one of the best decisions of my life as well. Dave not only made me a mother, he made me a step-mother. Maybe it wasn't technical since we were never married, but those kids are Kiera's siblings and I will always love them. Dave was the love of my life, despite the fact that our relationship was toxic for me. I'm so thankful for the love we had and even more thankful that I have moved on past it.
I have now been a single mother for a year and a half. It's odd to think that much time has transpired. It's motivating to think of what I have done in that amount of time. I "won" the custody battle (technically we settled in mediation, but I got what I wanted), I moved to the other side of the country, I kicked ass in school, I made new friends and kept my old ones, I got into nursing school with more than one scholarship, I was inducted into the honor society, and I've found a lot of peace in who I am.
Since I left Dave, people have been telling me that one day I'll find a man who will appreciate me. I'll find someone who will complement me. I'll find someone who will make me his wife and make me his life. When I first left Dave, I was too hurt to think about being with another man. As time went on I often wondered if maybe we could work things out, if maybe I could get back the family I adored. This past summer though, I realized that not only do I not want to get back with Dave, but I don't want to be with anyone. I love being a single mom.
Yup, you read that right, I love being a single mom and I have no intention of ever changing that status.
Why? Why would I chose to be alone? Is it because I am too hurt from my relationship with Dave? Absolutely not. Is it because I don't feel like I deserve a good man? No way, I know I'm awesome (haha).
I love being a single mom because I love who I am. I am messy and high-maintenance and high strung. I love a house full of crazy dogs and cats and kids. Dishes in the sink don't bother me, I can spend an entire day or week lost in a book, I like to get up and be spontaneous, and I eat far too much cheese. I love that Kiera and I are best friends. I love how silly and smart and amazing she is. I have big goals for what I want to accomplish in the next ten years and I don't want anyone getting in the way of what I have planned for Kiera and myself.
Maybe saying I want to be alone forever is premature. People I have spoken with about it tell me that 30 is just too young to say that. Maybe they are right. Maybe when I am not living with my parents and I am truly living as a single mom I will hate it. Maybe I will realize that having a partner isn't that bad. I hope not though. I hope that I can raise Kiera on my own, show her how to be strong and independent. There is nothing wrong with getting help, but also nothing wrong with just being who you are.
So, a year and a half into this journey as a single mom and I think I am doing pretty well for myself. I learn more every day about myself. I learn how much I can handle. I learn so much about who I want to be.
So, for anyone reading this who is a single parent, I hope you find the peace about it that I have. You don't have to have the same outlook for your future, but I hope you can find the good in it for yourself too.
Xoxo
KABO
When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was so unprepared for what was coming. I entered motherhood dramatically, as seems to be my style in life. I was unwed, unsure of the paternity, and ignorant to the changes that would be occurring.
Kiera has made me a better woman, or maybe it is that she has changed me into a woman. Before I had her, my concerns were so innocent. As a mother, I stress over every move I make, wondering if I will be doing what is best for her.
Leaving Dave will always be the best decision of my life. Being with Dave will always be one of the best decisions of my life as well. Dave not only made me a mother, he made me a step-mother. Maybe it wasn't technical since we were never married, but those kids are Kiera's siblings and I will always love them. Dave was the love of my life, despite the fact that our relationship was toxic for me. I'm so thankful for the love we had and even more thankful that I have moved on past it.
I have now been a single mother for a year and a half. It's odd to think that much time has transpired. It's motivating to think of what I have done in that amount of time. I "won" the custody battle (technically we settled in mediation, but I got what I wanted), I moved to the other side of the country, I kicked ass in school, I made new friends and kept my old ones, I got into nursing school with more than one scholarship, I was inducted into the honor society, and I've found a lot of peace in who I am.
Since I left Dave, people have been telling me that one day I'll find a man who will appreciate me. I'll find someone who will complement me. I'll find someone who will make me his wife and make me his life. When I first left Dave, I was too hurt to think about being with another man. As time went on I often wondered if maybe we could work things out, if maybe I could get back the family I adored. This past summer though, I realized that not only do I not want to get back with Dave, but I don't want to be with anyone. I love being a single mom.
Yup, you read that right, I love being a single mom and I have no intention of ever changing that status.
Why? Why would I chose to be alone? Is it because I am too hurt from my relationship with Dave? Absolutely not. Is it because I don't feel like I deserve a good man? No way, I know I'm awesome (haha).
I love being a single mom because I love who I am. I am messy and high-maintenance and high strung. I love a house full of crazy dogs and cats and kids. Dishes in the sink don't bother me, I can spend an entire day or week lost in a book, I like to get up and be spontaneous, and I eat far too much cheese. I love that Kiera and I are best friends. I love how silly and smart and amazing she is. I have big goals for what I want to accomplish in the next ten years and I don't want anyone getting in the way of what I have planned for Kiera and myself.
Maybe saying I want to be alone forever is premature. People I have spoken with about it tell me that 30 is just too young to say that. Maybe they are right. Maybe when I am not living with my parents and I am truly living as a single mom I will hate it. Maybe I will realize that having a partner isn't that bad. I hope not though. I hope that I can raise Kiera on my own, show her how to be strong and independent. There is nothing wrong with getting help, but also nothing wrong with just being who you are.
So, a year and a half into this journey as a single mom and I think I am doing pretty well for myself. I learn more every day about myself. I learn how much I can handle. I learn so much about who I want to be.
So, for anyone reading this who is a single parent, I hope you find the peace about it that I have. You don't have to have the same outlook for your future, but I hope you can find the good in it for yourself too.
Xoxo
KABO
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