Goodbye Ole Miss football!

So Ole Miss is my team and I love them but right now as far as I can tell we are royally screwed! The NCAA has denied Masoli as our quarterback and we have our first game on Saturday! Ole Miss has of course appealed the decision but we wont hear back about it until Friday at the earliest! I am not a happy camper! Looks like all of the program that Coach Nutt built up last year is gone! I mean we lost two qbs and Dexter McCluster! I have no idea how good the team we have right now is but without a strong qb it's not going to have a chance right!?! With all of this I have to admit I'm no longer upset that I can't make it to the game because of work.  I'd rather watch the tragedy unfold from the comfort of my home where nobody can see me cry.

As for my meeting today with the Chancellor's office well I don't even know what to say about it.  I have another meeting next Tuesday but seriously nothing proactive happened today and we never even discussed the situation that sent me there in the first place!  Maybe we will get into more next time but I'm leaning right now to my voice doesn't matter on campus, another reason I'm so ready to get out of here and graduate.

Well I have tons of homework to do because tomorrow I'll be working all night and unable to do homework till midnight which isn't a good thing when class starts on Thursdays at 930 am. Hopefully I'll make some good money because I need it to register my car next week and go grocery shopping!

Love and kisses,
KABO

Way too busy!

Well this has to be a short one because my life has for sure gotten busy!

Yesterday all I did was homework, some laundry, watched a little tv, and that's about it. Nothing cool to report.

Today was busy, or at least felt busy.  I had class, went to the bank and deposited money, went home to transfer it into a different account so that I could by gas, went to the gas station, went to the post office to buy stamps, came home and did the dishes, did some more laundry, started doing homework, made chili, had Evil Ashley over for some chili, looked at New York City apartments with my mom online, and now need to actually complete my homework. 

This will be the last time I post anything on days when I don't have anything to talk about.  Why waste the time? Tomorrow though I should have some interesting things to report seeing as I have my meeting in the Chancellor's office.

Love and kisses,
KABO

I chopped off the tip of my finger!!!!!!

So last night I was so tired but I COULD NOT SLEEP! It sucks so much to be exhausted and not able to sleep but it sucks even more when you have somewhere to be at 7am. Needless to say I was out of it this morning when I went to work. Luckily I bought a Rockstar last night so I had that on my side, only problem is that it made me feel sick.  First I didn't feel it, I just felt a bit less exhausted. Then I felt it starting to make me hyper and I was super talkative and whatnot with my coworkers. Then it eventually started making me feel super shaky and my heart was beating like crazy. By the time my shift ended at 2pm I was feeling like I was going to pass out and it was bad.  The worst part of all of this was that I ended up accidentally cutting a chunk of my finger almost all the way off while trying to get some fresh bread for my table. It hurt and it still hurts and it hurt a lot earlier because I accidentally slammed it in the door this evening. Hmm that all sounded really random...please just remember I've been up since 730 am on FRIDAY! I really need to go to sleep but I want to shower first so I'll be up for at least another half hour.


I got to see my bff Joshy today and his gf.  He cat had kittens and they are so precious! There is one that is like in love with Josh, it was pretty cute.  It really sucks that he doesn't live here anymore but thank God she does cus at least that gives him a good reason to come into town often. She's coming over on Monday for some vegetarian chili on Monday, YAY! I wasn't too fond of her when I first met her but I think my vision was somewhat clouded by people around me. These days I do see the good person that Josh sees, but I'm glad that he is at least still taking things slow with her (as in they didn't fall in love and get engaged like some people do within a few months which is kinda crazy).

So lately I have been thinking about seeing a counselor. It's just that I have gone through a lot in my life and recently I realized how much I hold onto what I lost and how my life changed when I got sick.  I have been working so hard to get back to being a super happy and focused person like I was before I went blind but it's so hard to do that when I still feel sick all the time and I find myself having limitations that I never had before. I know what I want from my life and maybe going to someone will help me get to that place. Not sure that I am going to do it for sure but my mom has been bugging me for years about it and maybe it's time to listen (especially so that I can tell her she was wrong if it doesn't help lol).

Well tomorrow is going to be full of homework and totally boring but hopefully I can sleep so that at least it will be kinda bearable. 

Love and kisses,
KABO

Dead tired!

So last night my puppy was being bad so I made him sleep in his crate instead of with me in the bed, to get back at me he started barking at 7am and didn't really stop until I finally got up a couple hours lately. With my class schedule I had barely had any sleep all week and really didn't need to deal with him waking me up early on one of my later days.  So when I went into work today I was feeling a bit warn out. Man on man was I not ready for what came. My first table to arrive was a six top and as soon as they started asking me questions I knew they were going to be a little difficult. Of course, almost immediately three other tables are seated in my section and before I knew it I was overwhelmed and people were getting upset. Somehow I made it through the night without completely having a breakdown or getting fired because that six top kept complaining. I made good money and even had a repeat customer from last week who said that he is going to come in every Friday.  Whether or not that happens I don't know but him and his colleagues are super nice and laid back so I really would love for them to be my regulars. By the end of the night my feet were sore but I found out that I wasn't the only one who had had a few incidents during the evening so that made me feel better.

Tomorrow is going to suck, because as of this moment I have to be back at work in six hours! Yeah, my crazy boss has me scheduled at 7am! I think he hates me lol. I bough a Rockstar Punched on the way home so at least I'll be super strung up once we open at nine. I have to admit my shower felt good just now and I'm sure when I get home from work tomorrow and take another one it'll feel even better. Oh and hopefully after work at some point I'll be able to see Joshy because he's in town for the weekend, yay!

Well I'm too tired to really write more, and nothing really exciting happened today so I guess I will just have to have a more eventful day tomorrow so I'll have something good to put up here.

Love and kisses,
KABO

So part two of the whole racism thing- I got an email back from the Chancellors office and have been asked to meet on a regular basis with them and try to make Ole Miss a better place for all students. I honestly don't know how to take the response. Is it just a polite way to shut me up and not worry about the white student population? Or is it an honest request to bring a young mind with fresh ideas in to really make a difference? Once I meet with them for the first time I will make sure to post about it. Who know, maybe this blog that started out to just be a daily recap of my life for my friends and family to follow will eventually turn into a discussion on the serious topic of racism in today's colleges.  Only time will tell.

To further the topic of the incident yesterday, I did some research later in the evening because I was just so flabbergasted at the idea that some company would even manufacture such a horrible and racist product! As it turns out, it's a christian company and the shirt is supposed to mean something about being saved from the slavery of sins or some weird shit like that. Looking at all the "ex" shirts they have they are all very offensive to groups of people and just fucked up in general.  Like a shirt that says "ex-cutter" ummm cutting is a very serious mental thing that people struggle with, I have a friend who was a cutter and she has only told a few people about it, I can't imagine how she would feel if she saw someone walking around with a shirt that said "ex-cutter" as if it was something to be proud of once having done. There's also a shirt that says "ex-sinner" which doesn't even make sense because people sin every day on accident and to wear a shirt like that is basically being a hypocrite.  After being disgusted with the "christian" shirts I decided to look and see what other people's reactions were. One that really stood out to me was a girl who identified herself as African-American and a wearer of the "ex-slave" shirt who said she gets so many bad looks when she wears the shirt, even at christian conventions she attends. She said that she is always has to explain that it doesn't me slavery in a historical sense and blah blah blah. What got me about her post was that it 1)Said that even some pastors didn't really like the shirt and 2)said that she will have random black people see her and be like "hell yeah!"  I think that the second thing is all that matters, the shirt may mean something to the company that produces it but the perceived meaning is all that actually matters.  The girl I saw on campus may have bought that shirt because she believes in the weird christian meaning that was associated with it, but she also may have been one of the blacks that see it and go "hell yeah!" trying to stick it to the "white man."  Finding the website does not change my opinion of the matter, in fact I think it probably helps to solidify it more. 

So outside of that whole issue my life has been pretty basic.  I was supposed to work last night but my boss made me take the night off because they were too slow. I really hope that doesn't happen often because I'm only scheduled three days a week and I really need the money but I understand him not having everyone come in because then it would be like the last two days I worked and made no money because I only had one or two tables (in total five people both nights).

Classes have been going well, haven't really done much but I know that this semester is going to be very busy. I have so many papers to write and quizzes and midterms and agh!

Now I know a lot of people wont believe this but the most amazing thing happened. At around 1:30/2 am there was a lot of noise from my neighbors (like a loud truck or something) and possibly a plane (!?!) flying nearby but it was freaking out my puppy, then out of nowhere he starts barking like crazy at the window to my bedroom which freaked me out. I sleep with one of my Poppy's favorite shirts so when I was nervous I grabbed it and said, "Keep me safe please" and all of a sudden, so sudden I almost missed it, I could smell my Poppy there with me. It was as if he was saying that he heard me and was watching over me always. It was pretty magical and amazing.

Well I think that's all for now. Check back tomorrow for more.

Love and Kisses,
KABO

Racism and Ole Miss

So today started like any other day and for the most part it was like any other day, save for one tiny moment that I feel extremly passionate about.  Below is a letter I have sent to the chancellor of Ole Miss, his office, and the school new paper.  I hope that with so many people able to read it something will be done.  Before everyone gets their panties all in a bunch let me say this- racism sucks and I wish it didn't exist but unfortunatelly it does and people have to realize it is not a one way street. 

Dear Chancellor Jones,

My name is KABO and I am a white student here at Ole Miss. My father is an alumni from the engineering school and I followed in his footsteps, transferring here a few years ago. Over the last year I have, like many students, become very distraught with the way the school is handling so-called "racism" on campus. Col Reb is no longer our mascot, which doesn't even make sense to me seeing as UNLV has an almost exact Rebel mascot (I attended UNLV for a year and nobody thinks twice about it). I feel like every day people are coming up with more and more reasons to say that the white students at Ole Miss are racist and whatnot and I find this very offensive to me. I grew up on the West Coast and never looked at a person differently no matter their color, religion, sexuality, and so on. In fact, I was brought up to look at a person and judge them for their actions and beliefs and who they were overall. When I moved here I actually had no idea what racism was until I saw that many blacks wouldn't even talk to me because they were taught to hate whites, just as it seems some white students were taught to hate blacks. It really hurt me to see how judging people were and to this day I wish the South was less racially divided.

I'm tired being called racist on this campus for no reason, as I know many of my friends are as well. I feel that by specifically pointing out things that perhaps a few people say or do in a negative way (such as saying, "The South will Rise Again") you are making the campus look even worse and actually making these things racial issues. I understand that America as a whole has been unfair to minorities, including the blacks but, I feel the only way to move on is to stop focusing on the negative. Slavery was abolished so long ago that nobody alive was a slave in America nor knew anybody that was a slave. Yes, blacks only somewhat recently were given equal rights as whites, but the same goes for women who had to fight forever to be considered on the same level as men (and last time I checked women still get paid less and treated differently in society). I don't see the school doing anything to make women feel like they have been oppressed and need to be saved so why are we doing this with the black students? If you want to make Ole Miss an institution that does not have racist issues you need to keep everyone on the same playing field, don't separate the campus by making white students feel anger towards black students because the administration keeps tearing down "traditions" in the name of fairness and rights! Fight racism on an individual basis, punish those who have committed racist acts, not every student on the campus.

Now to the point of why I am writing you. I have been upset but not in a way to really speak my mind, but that changed today. Walking to my class around 12:55 a black student passed me (I believe it was in front of Connor Hall), wearing a bright pink shirt that said, "Ex Slave." Yes, every person in America has a right to wear whatever they please, but with how the school has treated white students recently I don't think that such a shirt should be tolerated. I was extremely offended by this girl's shirt and don't see how any other white student wouldn't be. This shirt came off to me like she was calling every white an oppressor, saying that I personally want to put her in a position below me. I wonder how many white people saw this shirt, were offended, but were too scared of being called racists if they said anything about it. If you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing then look at it this way, what would happen to me if I were to walk around campus with a shirt that said, "Ex Slave Owner?" I'm guessing that first I would get hospitalized for whatever beating came to me from blacks on campus, then I'm sure the black students would make such a fuss that you would have to expel me for some sort of racism thing, and I'm sure I would be looking at some law suites that would say I emotionally disturbed every black student on campus or something to that effect. You know I'm right about this and I'm sure there had to be black students on campus who saw this girl and were pissed off with her ignorance, siding with me that race is only an issue because people continue to make it so. I implore you to do something about this, please protect me and other white students from black racists. I believe in Ole Miss and your administration so I know that you will correct this situation.

Respectfully,

KABO

America isn't perfect, and I'm not suggesting that the rights of this particular student to wear ignorant, offensive, and trashy clothes should be taken away, I'm just saying that the school needs to address the fact that whites are victims of racism as well. Looking back in history I don't think there is one group of people that at some point weren't oppressed by some other race/ethnicity.  I feel that the world is slowly moving past racist feelings due to things such as the internet and airplanes.  It is much harder these days to feel negatively towards any group of people because the world doesn't feel so large and the groups don't feel so defined. In a perfect land racism would one day cease to exist but I know this will probably never happen because a small group of ignorant people will always be around to mess things up. 

I am very interested to see what the response to my letter will be.  Will the school blow me off and decide that white students are not worth protecting? Will white students be told that they are not worth as much as blacks are? Will I have to see that my school really isn't paradise? What will happen with the student body? Will the DM never mention me letter? Will they print it or an article about it and in turn will I be ostracized for how I reacted to the situation? Will the black students think that I was trying to make a mockery of civil rights even thought that doesn't even make sense? Will I find out there was some sort of saying on the back of the shirt that completely changed the meaning of it saving "ex-slave" and thereby making my entire argument moot? Will it cause an overnight sales spike in "ex-slave" shirts by Ole Miss students (who would even sell a shirt like that I wonder) that would start a tension between students that hasn't been seen since James Meredith first walked onto the campus grounds? Will nobody learn of my letter because everybody who reads it feel that it is not a big deal? Only time will tell and you know I will keep you posted! 

Love and Kisses, 

KABO

I'm in parking HELL

Two days into the semester and I already HATE the parking with a passion. It's as if every semester they admit a million more students and eliminate parking spots.  I mean it's rediculous how many cars there are on campus right now. Luckily for me though I've had good luck so far in finding prime spots but I know that this wont last long. I actually was thankful for once about having a tiny car because I was able to fit into this spot between a tahoe and yukon when both were on/over the parking line. The fact that I didn't hit either car is a huge deal to me lol.

So I still have to go to my mythology class this evening but I know it'll be great because I had professor Ajootian last semester at the same time, in the same room, for another 100 level class. I'm sure that although she's a great teacher there will once again be annoying freshman to deal with so that's gunna kind of suck.

This morning I woke up about 12 minutes before I wanted to leave my house. Obviously I was running around like a crazy person trying to get everything together and get out the door, somehow doing that in only 18 minutes. I got to the museum fine but man oh man was that classroom crappy! I guess they use it for like some kind of children's art classroom. I'm not sure, but basically the desks were shoved in with these long tables that were stained with all sorts of who knows what. The ceilings are pretty short so the projector screen is partially below people's heads, making the bottom like foot impossible to see for anyone behind the front row. I honestly have no idea why we are in that room, it would seem a lot smarter to have us in a normal classroom that was actually ON campus and not at the furthest reaches of Ole Miss property!

My next class was English 418 with Dr Mac. He seems super fun and I think the class will be really great and develop me as better writer. Oh and how cool is this but there is an Olympic track and field athlete in my class! She was in the 2008 Olympics and hopes to make it to the 2012!  Eventually I'll have to talk to her about all of that because seriously it's pretty awesome.


Well now I have tons of stuff to do before my class this evening. I have to go buy printer ink and printer paper for an assignment due tomorrow morning.  I also have to go and pay a couple of my bills so that they wont be late and cost me extra fees. On top of that I need to run to the bookstore and grab a copy of the books that I need for tomorrow that I didn't buy online. I'm not too happy about having to spend more money but I guess it is what it is :(

Love and kisses,
KABO

And the semester has finally begun

So I went to my first two classes today- English 352 and Latin 101.  Luckily they start at 12pm and 1pm so even though this is the first semester in like two years that I've had a Friday class at least it's not super early.  Rolling out of bed at 11 isn't too bad. Tomorrow getting up somewhere around 8/830 wont be fun at all. I swore to never again take a class before 11 but unfortunately the school scheduled the classes I need at very early hours :(

My English class is titled: Popular Literature- Ghost Stories; and my professor is Jack Pendarvis, a famous writer here at Ole Miss as a guest teacher. He only briefly discussed the class syllabus with us, making a huge point out of the idea that "I don't care if your grandmother dies, you can only miss three classes so make sure you leave one to her funeral." Technically there is a whole paragraph in the syllabus that he typed in bold, uppercase font saying not to miss class no matter who died if you are already over the limit of absences. He also spent some time telling us that he doesn't care if we use wikipedia as a source, as long as we cite it. He says he doesn't like failing people but he will if we plagerize. Honestly after four years of high school and five (going on six) years of college I think this idea has been thoroughly instilled in my brain.  One day when I am a professor (hopefully) I'm going to make sure that I tell people to please plagerise because it would only make my life easier, or just not even turn the paper in. Of course if I do make it one day being a professor I want to be sort of off the wall so that my students actually get involved in whatever subject I'm teaching. I find it complete bs that last semester I watched a certain "friend" basically not do any of the homework and walk out with the same grade as me. Yes, my doing all the reading and whatnot will help me in the future, yes her grades really don't affect my life but still it's frustrating and disheartening.

So back to my English class...umm OMG is it full of nerds! Maybe they are really nice kids but when it comes down to it I don't think I've ever seen such a large group of non-southern looking people ever at Ole Miss.  On one hand I guess it's a nice break from the over-sized sorority shirts and shorts on the girls and the polos and khakis on the boys but, at the same time, some of them just looked like they needed a shower and a haircut and some fashion help. Obviously I'm a nerd on the inside, going home and doing homework before the semester even starts, but when it comes to my appearance I try to spice it up a bit. The class seems like it'll be interesting because we get to read a lot of off the wall stories and the structure agrees with me perfectly.  Every class meeting we have a one page paper due about the reading from the night before. I love this idea for two reasons- 1)It ensures that the entire class does the homework and 2)It is basically a great way to keep notes to look back on when it comes time to write the midterm and final papers. The second thing I love is that it is papers and not tests that we have to do for the class. I hate English teachers who make me take a test at the end of the semester because it's sooooo much to study for and by the end of the exam I always have the worst hand/arm cramp from writing so ferociously for two plus hours! One thing I am very UNHAPPY about is the final paper requires us to read one of two books and relate them to the required texts from the semester.  The book I absolutely REFUSE to read is Wuthering Heights.  I mean I specifically did not take a class this semester because that was on the reading list and here I find out that it is one of the choices for the final.  I will have to chose the default then of Frankenstein.  I've read it once or twice before and will have to have my mom find my copy (if I even still have one that is) and send it to me. All in all I think this will be a lovely class and look forward to telling you about how the books go and how this class will help develop me as a writer. Who knows, maybe when the semester is over I'll have an itching to one day write a ghost story just like how at the end of last semester I had an itching to write a Robinsonade story.

So the other class I went to today was Lat 101 with Prof Ajootian.  She is just hilarious with her mannerisms and it's a good thing that I like her because I have three classes with her, meaning I will see her everyday Monday-Friday. As I expected she started teaching from the minute she finished explaining the syllabus and kept us till exactly 1:50.  I really didn't want to take another language class seeing as I already have 15 hours of French but I was stuck taking this because there were no other open English or Classics classes and I needed to once again take a 15 credit hour semester.  I'm going to have to study harder than I want to in order to get an A in this class but it's just something I have to deal with because I really want another 4.0 this semester.  My goal is to kick ass and make the Chancellor's list once again, bringing my GPA up to a level that would impress both grad schools and potential employers.  Grad school really isn't something that I'm looking at starting any time soon for multiple reasons. First of all, I am so OVER classes and ready to start a boring 9-5 working life. I'm ready to feel like an adult and going to grad school would just put off starting my real life a bit more.  Another reason I want a break is that I want a way to save up money! I'm so sick of barely getting by (or as the case is right now, being supported by my parents while I wait for my job to start making me money).

So, like always, I have gotten a bit off topic, but I guess that's just how my brain works.  To summarize about my first day back on campus- there was a million people but it seems like a good start to my penultimate semester here at Ole Miss. This time next year I'll hopefully be looking back and thinking "Dang, I wish I still was in school because it was so much easier" haha.

Until tomorrow- Love and kisses,
KABO

Well I finally broke down and started a blog...

I'm sitting here at about 7pm the night before Fall classes start up.I have both so much and nothing at all to do tonight.  Tomorrow begins, hopefully, the last Fall semester of undergrad that I will have to trudge through.  Five classes are staring at me, less than 24 hours away.  This semester I will only be taking two English classes, but my lovely professor for Engl 418 has assigned me well over two thousand pages of reading and has already emailed us an 18 page syllabus so at least I don't have to feel like I've abandoned my major. My three other classes are all in my newly chosen minor of Classics (yeah I did change minors very late in the game, fml).  On top of all the work I know I will be receiving for these five classes I also have two independent study science classes that I need to get through as well as a job waitressing three days a week.

My strategy to getting through all of this without my head exploding from stress is to become a recluse. I'll go to school, go to work, do homework, and hang out with my dogs. If I want to ever graduate I am going to have to cut ties with any idea of a social life.  I'm not very upset about that thought though, in fact it feels comforting. I haven't enjoyed "partying" in a long time, mostly because it makes me so sick.  I also have to face the fact that the only mature people I know in Mississippi have graduated and moved on with their lives. I'm am now stuck surrounded by immature and spoiled people who I had at one point considered great friends. The truth is, at some point, you have to realize that people may be fun for a moment in your life but then they do nothing but drag you down. I have big plans for myself and a lot of people don't fit into them anymore.

I learned over this summer how much I like spending time with myself and my dogs. Quiet really is a beautiful thing.  I feel so at peace in my heart and so motivated to move past this stage in my life. I don't need people around me to make me feel complete and that is something huge for me to realize.  I remember when just a few years ago I couldn't go to the grocery store by myself and now I find myself locked away in my house for days with just my dogs and loving every minute of it. I feel so blessed to be able to look at my life and be happy.  Things are never going to be perfect but I'm learning to accept things as they are and feel perfect about them.  I try too often to control things out of my grasp and I get so overwhelmed but I'm trying to just take deep breaths now and let life happen.

Okay, well this has been somewhat too pensive and out there I think but I promise to be more exciting in the future.

Love and kisses,
KABO