So, just went to do my taxes and realized that for some reason, there were no taxes withheld for federal or state! I was all excited to do my taxes and get some money back because I am beyond broke, then it turns out that I OWE money! Fuck, I am screwed. Now I have to figure out how to pay back the almost 200 it says I owe. Yes, I should have paid attention to my pay stubs and realized that I wasn't having taxes withheld, but seriously, wtf, why would anyone not want taxes withheld????
Okay, well I guess I have to update this because Heather just went through and fixed a mistake and now I am getting 1000 back, but that still doesn't change the fact that my stupid old job didn't charge taxes for me. Had they I prob would have been getting more back now and I really need any money I can at the moment. Why do I need this money you ask? Oh, well that's because even though I put my two weeks notice in so that I had two weeks to find a new job, I was "let go" when my manager lied about me. Didn't matter that I had witnesses, they took his word. Honestly I feel that the situation was used to get rid of me for an entirely different reason that I don't think I should get into online, but let's just say that they knew him and I could not work together and I was more expendable as they had no way to replace him because they believed in being understaffed. Everyday I thank God that I am out of that TOXIC situation, but my wallet is not fairing so well without an income.
Why don't I have an income? Well, that's simple as well. With no time to look for a job while I still had one, I was thrown into a competitive job market without a safety net. The two weeks of working would have helped to pay my bills this month, now I am going directly into my savings to afford the astronomical cost of living in NYC. The other day I finally found a bartending position, but the anxiety I had on my trial shift night was so bad that I realized I couldn't work there. I blame this anxiety, which I have never had before, on what I went through at my last job. I lost sleep freaking out about taking the job and felt sick to my stomach for days. It's funny how a situation can follow you, it's even funnier how something you tried to say wasn't really happening can scar you. I don't know if I will be able to ever work in food and beverage again without feeling vulnerable and being scared about being harassed again. So, the only job I have been able to land I had to turn down for mental health reasons. Maybe it's time to find someone to talk to about what I went through at my last job.
I do see hope in my future though. I signed up for a temp agency and did my first job this weekend. It started on Thursday and went on until yesterday. It was just manual labor of setting up the Lazy Susan convention booth. While the work wasn't hard, I worked very hard and because of it I impressed the guy I was working for. He even asked for me to work with him for breakdown and on any other projects he needs temps for. It's amazing how in three days someone can see that I am a great employee and make me feel respected, when I had a job for almost six months and never felt that way (even when I was given employee of the month). While I was working for the temp job I had two other jobs I couldn't take because I was working, but to me that means they are trying to place me and I do have potential to make money with them. Best case scenario, they find me a permanent job in an office where I will be able to shine. Worst case, I just network a ton and build up skills by working multiple temp jobs.
Hopefully things turn around for me in 2012!
XOXO
KABO
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