A Year and a Half as a Single Mom

Becoming a mother truly changes a woman. Some of the changes are immidiate, some are gradual.

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was so unprepared for what was coming. I entered motherhood dramatically, as seems to be my style in life. I was unwed, unsure of the paternity, and ignorant to the changes that would be occurring.

Kiera has made me a better woman, or maybe it is that she has changed me into a woman. Before I had her, my concerns were so innocent. As a mother, I stress over every move I make, wondering if I will be doing what is best for her.

Leaving Dave will always be the best decision of my life. Being with Dave will always be one of the best decisions of my life as well. Dave not only made me a mother, he made me a step-mother. Maybe it wasn't technical since we were never married, but those kids are Kiera's siblings and I will always love them. Dave was the love of my life, despite the fact that our relationship was toxic for me. I'm so thankful for the love we had and even more thankful that I have moved on past it.

I have now been a single mother for a year and a half. It's odd to think that much time has transpired. It's motivating to think of what I have done in that amount of time. I "won" the custody battle (technically we settled in mediation, but I got what I wanted), I moved to the other side of the country, I kicked ass in school, I made new friends and kept my old ones, I got into nursing school with more than one scholarship, I was inducted into the honor society, and I've found a lot of peace in who I am.

Since I left Dave, people have been telling me that one day I'll find a man who will appreciate me. I'll find someone who will complement me. I'll find someone who will make me his wife and make me his life. When I first left Dave, I was too hurt to think about being with another man. As time went on I often wondered if maybe we could work things out, if maybe I could get back the family I adored. This past summer though, I realized that not only do I not want to get back with Dave, but I don't want to be with anyone. I love being a single mom.

Yup, you read that right, I love being a single mom and I have no intention of ever changing that status.

Why? Why would I chose to be alone? Is it because I am too hurt from my relationship with Dave? Absolutely not. Is it because I don't feel like I deserve a good man? No way, I know I'm awesome (haha).

I love being a single mom because I love who I am. I am messy and high-maintenance and high strung. I love a house full of crazy dogs and cats and kids. Dishes in the sink don't bother me, I can spend an entire day or week lost in a book, I like to get up and be spontaneous, and I eat far too much cheese. I love that Kiera and I are best friends. I love how silly and smart and amazing she is. I have big goals for what I want to accomplish in the next ten years and I don't want anyone getting in the way of what I have planned for Kiera and myself.

Maybe saying I want to be alone forever is premature. People I have spoken with about it tell me that 30 is just too young to say that. Maybe they are right. Maybe when I am not living with my parents and I am truly living as a single mom I will hate it. Maybe I will realize that having a partner isn't that bad. I hope not though. I hope that I can raise Kiera on my own, show her how to be strong and independent. There is nothing wrong with getting help, but also nothing wrong with just being who you are.

So, a year and a half into this journey as a single mom and I think I am doing pretty well for myself. I learn more every day about myself. I learn how much I can handle. I learn so much about who I want to be.

So, for anyone reading this who is a single parent, I hope you find the peace about it that I have. You don't have to have the same outlook for your future, but I hope you can find the good in it for yourself too.

Xoxo
KABO