I never wanted to have a baby, but I always wanted to be a mother. My plan was adoption. I figured I would meet a good guy one day and we would fall in love, get married, and adopt two children who really needed a loving family. Life didn't work out that way. Not only did I get pregnant and have my own baby, but I had a child with a man who already had four kids.
With the birth of my daughter, my life was set on a new path that I never expected. I have three step-sons (or at least I call them that, even though I'm not married to their father) who are all very active (hello, T went to the little league world series representing Nevada last year and it looks like Alex's team could be on the same path this year). The amount of money we spend feeding three teenaged boys three days a week is ridiculous! I love them to death though, so other than my wallet hating it, it's all good with me. It's difficult though, trying to figure out how to be a part of their lives. Dave criticizes me a lot. I'm saying the wrong thing, treating them like they are little kids, I'm trying too hard, and so on. The big issue is that he is so scared that the boys will repeat something innocent that I say or do to their mother and that she will flip out. I have faith that the boys aren't going to want to deal with her blowing up, and I think it's important that they know that they are welcome in our house or that if they need anything to let us know. As strange as it is for me to try and find a place in their life, I'm sure it's strange for them to see their dad starting a new family with another woman. I never want them to feel like they are being replaced or that our home isn't their home too.
For almost two years I have worked graveyard at Red Rock. The hours suck, but they are the best too. I love how close our entire staff is, it's great knowing people in other departments and being able to work alongside them in harmony. I love not having managers watching my every move (not because I do things wrong, but rather because it lets me not stress and do my job confidently). I love my regulars. Another great thing about graveyard is that Dave works late hours too. I love that we both get to sleep together and eat meals together. It would be so hard on me if we were on opposite schedules and never had time together. Dave shows me how to be a better parent so of course I want him by my side as often as possible. The issue that Dave and I are having with working graveyard these days though is that Kiera sleeps while we are at work and wants to be awake when we are home (with a few naps here and there). Needless to say, we get barely ever get good sleep. I am happy if I get two two hour sessions. Being tired all the time though makes me feel like such a bad mom because I get so cranky with Kiera.
In order to be a good mom I feel that I need to be a stay-at-home mommy, like my mom was. Kids need their parents around. Financially though, this is not an option for Dave and me. Between rent, bills, groceries, gas, car payment, insurance, child support, and so on, we barely get by with both of us working. I am applying for a second job and really hope I get it. The other way that I am trying to work towards my goal is through the company It Works! I joined when Kiera was three months old, and am almost at my four month mark with the company. I won't lie, it is slow starting for me. Some people sign up and kick ass right away. I didn't put in enough effort at first to do that. Last month I really started trying and saw a huge increase in interest in the products and even got a bunch of new customers. I know in my heart that if I work hard enough I can use this company to be a stay-at-home mom. Now I just need to work on being a better salesman so that I can really help people to see what an incredible company it really is and how much the products can really help make a difference in their lives. If you want to check it out, my webpage is krissyanne.myitworks.com
So to sum it up, I'm working my hardest to make enough money to set Dave and I up so that one day I don't have to go into a job. Once I don't have any set schedule I can take care of Kiera and get sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment