When I found out that I was pregnant I knew right away that I wanted to breastfeed. I was breastfed as a baby and I knew there were so many health (and wallet) benefits to breastfeeding. I made it my goal to go one year. Most moms I knew who breastfed didn't even make it a year, though there were a few who had gone past it.
Now, here I am, four days from Kiera turning one, four days from reaching my breastfeeding goal. My issue now is, do I quit or keep going?
Breastfeeding has been a challenge from day one. Due to my C-section, my milk was a bit slow to come in and Kiera lost 13% body weight in her first two days. The hospital made me supplement with formula and it broke my heart. I felt like such a failure.
Once home, I continued to struggle with my supply for a few weeks. I reached out to all the mommies I knew to get tips and read what I could and did what I could. Eventually, I got it up enough to where Kiera was gaining weight and feedings didn't leave me feeling emotionally drained.
Then, I started back at work. Having an infant and working graveyard was hard enough to begin with. I had to add to my exhaustion with taking three short breaks throughout my shift to pump. I was lucky to have coworkers at first who were so cool with me and my pump breaks. As time went on, they got tired of it (extremely hypocritical on the part of one girl who breastfed her son for 14 months).
When I left that job and started a day position, I thought things would get better. What happened instead is my milk production went down. In November I finally reached out to a professional to help me with getting back to a decent supply level. It's amazing what she helped me accomplish in just three weeks (hint- golacta is great for increasing supply).
And now here I am, four days to getting somewhere I fought so hard to be at. Breastfeeding means so much to me. I love our connection and that it's our special time, something nobody else can do for her. She loves it too, at an age now where she pulls at my shirt to tell me she wants her "mommy milk." Lately, she has even turned away from bottles of almond milk or juice, instead insisting on breastfeeding. It warms my heart that she can find comfort and happiness by me breastfeeding her. I just wonder how long I should continue this for. The World Health Organization recommends two full years and part of me would like to do that, go for another year and give her as much of a benefit as I can.
On the other hand, there are so many reasons why I want to wean her, though all of them make me feel like a selfish person.
I miss sleeping through the night. As I'm still breastfeeding she wakes up three times throughout the night to nurse. It gets exhausting but at the same time, I love how cute she is when she falls asleep eating. I also love that it gives me an excuse to let her co-sleep with us for a few hours in the early morning (she sleeps in her nursery until about 4 in the morning). So I have to ask, am I willing to give up this special time with my baby or should I stick it out for a few more months to a year longer?
I miss being able to have more than one drink without having to worry about pumping and dumping. I've never been a big drinker since I hate how most alcohol tastes, but I still would like the option to go crazy every now and then (well as crazy as a parent can go without endangering their child). In the long run though, alcohol does nothing good for you so why would I want to use that as an excuse to quit breastfeeding?
One huge reason I want to stop breastfeeding is I want to be able to take the supplements that I sell with It Works (you can see all the products at my webpage- krissyanne.myitworks.com). I ask people to trust me and use my products, but until I finish breastfeeding I can't use half of them myself. While I do know that these products change lives and while I see great results from the products that I have used, I want to be able to be 100% knowledgeable about my products which means trying them all. I want to share my success and share it with others, I'm jealous of only being able to share others' stories. My mom says that I gave Kiera nine months of 100% dedication and another year (well four days short) of putting her needs with my body over my own desires and that I have a right to quit now and start doing what I want. I just would hate to keep her from something that is good for her and that she loves because I want to further my business.
So, now I ask for your help. Should I continue until she is ready to self-wean? Should I start weaning her now since I have made it so far and since she has gained so much of the benefits already? When can a mother put her desires over that of her baby? Am I being reasonable with wanting to wean her or am I being selfish? When did you decide to wean your baby? How did you go about weaning your baby?
XOXO,
KABO
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