I'm sitting here at about 7pm the night before Fall classes start up.I have both so much and nothing at all to do tonight. Tomorrow begins, hopefully, the last Fall semester of undergrad that I will have to trudge through. Five classes are staring at me, less than 24 hours away. This semester I will only be taking two English classes, but my lovely professor for Engl 418 has assigned me well over two thousand pages of reading and has already emailed us an 18 page syllabus so at least I don't have to feel like I've abandoned my major. My three other classes are all in my newly chosen minor of Classics (yeah I did change minors very late in the game, fml). On top of all the work I know I will be receiving for these five classes I also have two independent study science classes that I need to get through as well as a job waitressing three days a week.
My strategy to getting through all of this without my head exploding from stress is to become a recluse. I'll go to school, go to work, do homework, and hang out with my dogs. If I want to ever graduate I am going to have to cut ties with any idea of a social life. I'm not very upset about that thought though, in fact it feels comforting. I haven't enjoyed "partying" in a long time, mostly because it makes me so sick. I also have to face the fact that the only mature people I know in Mississippi have graduated and moved on with their lives. I'm am now stuck surrounded by immature and spoiled people who I had at one point considered great friends. The truth is, at some point, you have to realize that people may be fun for a moment in your life but then they do nothing but drag you down. I have big plans for myself and a lot of people don't fit into them anymore.
I learned over this summer how much I like spending time with myself and my dogs. Quiet really is a beautiful thing. I feel so at peace in my heart and so motivated to move past this stage in my life. I don't need people around me to make me feel complete and that is something huge for me to realize. I remember when just a few years ago I couldn't go to the grocery store by myself and now I find myself locked away in my house for days with just my dogs and loving every minute of it. I feel so blessed to be able to look at my life and be happy. Things are never going to be perfect but I'm learning to accept things as they are and feel perfect about them. I try too often to control things out of my grasp and I get so overwhelmed but I'm trying to just take deep breaths now and let life happen.
Okay, well this has been somewhat too pensive and out there I think but I promise to be more exciting in the future.
Love and kisses,
KABO
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